The Legend Of Paradise

The clock struck 2am as we drove sleepily across a blackened desert. Only the stars were awake to keep us company as we coasted along snuggly nestled in the corner of silence. All of a sudden - a figure. Small and dimly lit at first, but growing in stature until the car lights forced his arm to shield a withered face. An old man, white beard and cane, in what seemed like some distress. If we could take him to where he wanted to go with no questions asked, he would tell us a secret. A secret so rich in content that it would change our lives forever. Not since Leonardo Di Caprio found a map of some beach somewhere had anything like this been passed on. So on through the night we drove, hoping, dreaming, praying for his tale and the prospect of a better life.

The secret turned out to be a bag of bollocks. Something about backing 'Three Legged Wonder' at the 3.10 in Melbourne. However, depsite his crock of shite, he got us to drop him at Surfers Paradise for Schoolies weekend. "What's this?" we asked. Well, in short, it's the Australian equivalent of the Yanks' Spring Break. You know, you've seen it on films and TV - "Yeeaaah, woohooo, spring break, yeeaaah man, it rocks" (Hi-5s and American style whooping all round). This is where entire communities of kids descend to celebrate the finishing of their exams. We'd been told about this before by many a smug person. Tales of debauchery with 17 year old girls at the highest level. Weekends of pure drunken sordidness and experimentation. Stories that I couldn't possibly write about on here due to my mum reading it and me not even knowing what some of the words mean. That's how bad it is. "You boys can't go," we were told. "You're too old and will be mocked and called Toolies." "How do you spell Toolies?" said Tom as we pulled up to our hostel.


As soon as we arrived in our room we were met by Louis, your typical cheeky chappy rude boy cockernee geezer. He was in straight away. A trip to the beach, a perv on the poon, a booked night time spot on the hostel Vengabus and we were all set.



I had a truly great night. Me and Louis walked down to the beach where the party was at and couldn't believe our eyes. We had never seen so many young teens being sober, not fighting and causing little mayhem. This weekend couldn't happen in England without the armies involvment or at least hoards of riot police. Still, it was good to witness though. One bad thing is that I have never felt so old in all my life. What was scarier is that I didn't even care. Although, don't quote me on that.


Our hostel room also contained an Israeli girl called Lian who hadn't come out on the Vengabus but did spend the following day in our company. I fell in love with Lian in the space of 24 hours. Usually I look for 2 things in a girl: a one track mind and eyes for me. Facing in the right direction is an added bonus. But Lian pushed it to an all new level - she laughed at everything I said!






Lian came to stay with us in Brisbane the following Monday which worked out well because I had just been laid off from work (more of that later). We had another good day when I showed her the city and followed it up with drinks and crisps. It's fair to say that this was one of my favourite weekends yet and I was absolutely thrilled until I found out that 'Three Legged Wonder' had romped home at 66/1. Ass.